An Apology to My Husband

Last week was the 15 year anniversary of the pilot and I first hooking up. It wasn't celebrated with flowers or chocolates, in fact we weren't even in the same state at the time, and big gushy celebrations are not really our thing. (I once buried my nose into a huge beautiful bunch of white roses only to realise they were plastic. The pilot thought if he bought me a bunch that would last forever he wouldn't have to buy them again. He's nothing if not practical.)

So for our anniversary I didn't get champagne and a 3 course meal at a posh restaurant. What I got instead is an epiphany – and I've been feeling horrible since. So now I want to apologise from the bottom of my heart for this terrible thing I've been doing for the last 15 years. You see I always have to be right. I argue to the death over every detail – point scoring I guess. I have been known to raise my voice in frustration and to frequently play the who-has-the-best-memory-in-this-relationship card. (Just for the record, I do – by a mile.)

It doesn't sound like much I guess – but that's not the worst of it. You see I finally realised that if I am right every single time, then that means that the pilot is wrong every single time, and that's not fair at all. Would I want to be in a relationship where I was always wrong? No of course not, it would be horrible; demeaning, self esteem crushing, depressing.

I realised I had taken the man I loved and spent the next fifteen years stripping him of power, emasculating him and deeming his opinions unimportant. Then I would occasionally bleat that I couldn't respect him. Frankly I'm surprised he's still with me. I don't deserve his love, and I am going to have to work very hard to make it up to him.

Don't get me wrong, I will still whinge when the pilot doesn't pull his weight around the house. I will still strive for a fifty percent split in the housework. I will still insist that every now and then he cooks dinner. But I will also make sure that I don't fight to the death for the unimportant things and that I only ever win fifty percent of the fights. Cause now I realise that his esteem and our happiness is more important than my pride.

So I'd like to say to the pilot – ‘Honey, I'm sorry. I love you and I'll make it up over the next 15 years.'Watch movie online The Transporter Refueled (2015)


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